Change is...

Change is HUGE...
Change is GIGANTIC...
Change is Possibilities...
Change is Potential...

I am daily reminded that change does not only bring potential but CHANGE IS POTENTIAL!
What a blessing to have so many changes in my life.
I'm getting ready to embrace change once again.

And I Thought What I Felt Was Simple...

I am sitting in a chair in a little internet cafe on a busy street in Colombo, Sri Lanka...where are you today?

The funny thing is that I didn't even want to write my blog today. I'm tired, my head hurts, I have a huge mosquito bite on each hand and I'm hot. But, my email isn't working for some silly reason and so I think it's meant to be.

I guess I didn't think I had much to say but we have left Kallar for good and there is something to be said about that. Time is funny how it passes without letting you know really. One day you're just adjusting to life and the next you're trying to understand how it's all changing again. I wrote this in my little Sri Lankan notebook that I got from the kids as I drove away from Kallar in my little black van on Wednesday:

Saying goodbye is such a strange concept. There's such a sadness that floods your soul. I mean it's not there and then all of the sudden I'm sitting in a van driving in the opposite direction of what I've called home and I realize that I can't breathe the same. Life will never be that way again and it hurts. But I'd choose it any day over never living there at all.

I'd bet people who don't live life this way think that it probably hurts too bad to say good-bye that it's not even worth it in the 1st place. But what do they know? I wonder if losing a piece of your heart when you leave people you've come to love helps you grow a stronger, bigger heart that you can share with more people.

I wish I had words to articulate life better sometimes and how thankful I am for it. I mean, sometimes I can't breathe and I as much as I want to see I can't bring myself to open my eyes because the beauty I feel inside is too much to ruin with the mediocrity of the world. I am so thankful for so much. It's like I’m not even allowed to express it in words because they're not good enough. There's not really anything good enough though. So instead of even trying, I sit in silence with the hope that maybe just this time, the moment will last long enough to let go of some of the tears that want so badly to escape.

It's funny that I have to get all this out today, in this moment, in this rickety black van, before my next moments taint these. And they will - they always do. But it's not a bad thing. It's life. And life can be great if you don't forget what you've lived and the things that changed you. It's too easy to for the present, or even the future, to flood the past and make it like never existed.

This short time is like a dream and as I'm driving away it's like those short moments in between sleep and awake when you feel like you'll remember your dream forever but then all of the sudden life becomes reality and the dream isn't as real as it once seemed.

March has arrived

So wow. This is weird to even write – it's been so long since I’ve really sat down at a computer and because of all that’s happened since then, I’ve become overwhelmed with the idea of trying to share it all. But whatever – something’s better than nothing.

I’m working hard and sleeping well these days, mosquito net and all. Kallar is hot (I don’t even know how hot, I’ve never seen a thermometer and I haven’t caught the weather channel lately. PS, that’s a joke. I don’t even know the last time I saw English television). The past 2 days I have taken a break from the photography thing and I’m helping Alliance Development (one of the MANY Non Government Organizations in Kallar) build temporary shelters for the families here. Let me just fill you in on something before you create your own mental picture of this event for yourselves: when you stand in the shade you sweat. When it’s 9 o’clock in the morning and you’re walking the 5 minutes down the road to start the day – you sweat. When you stand in the shade you sweat. When you actually pick up a shovel to dig a ditch for the tarp to be buried under – you poor sweat. When you stand in the shade you sweat. It’s hot. So I, unlike the locals who are used to life this way, try to do most of my hard labor before 1 and after 4. However, the men kind of laugh when I even try and take the shovel out of my hands before I can get something really done. But I wised up. Today I actually walked over to another shelter and started digging while they were still sewing up the last one…I found the loophole. I’m not gonna lie, my arms were burning and I loved it. Hard labour is good for the soul – but who am I kidding, I’m not going to get carried away!

So most of the “cleaning up” has been done and the town is moving on to a new stage in the rebuilding process. It’s a cool thing to see the focus of the community and the volunteers change from physical rehabilitation to mental rehabilitation. Our meetings used to be so focused on water purification, shelter building, tearing down houses and cleaning up debris but now it’s shifted to focusing on the children and the ‘events’ for the community. The other day, I had one of the greatest most eye opening, refreshing moments of my time in Sri Lanka.

My surfer friend Dan, from England, had spent the week building a football pitch (translation for all my American friends = soccer field) right on the ocean’s edge. (Since the government is not allowing people to rebuild their houses within 200 meters of the shore there’s nothing there at all) When he finished the word was spread that there would be a game every day at 5:00 and a whole bunch of us walked down for the anticipated event of the week. Honestly, no one expected much to happen. Quick background on Sri Lanka: no one is EVER on time, seriously not in their vocabulary; no one does a thing, mostly everyone’s been in lazy mode since the tsunami; and people don’t EVER show up when they’re supposed to. But, when we showed up there were 10 –15 kids and a couple of adults just waiting for the ball. Within an hour there was an entire 2 teams playing with some of our international friends and at least 20 little kids (and girls – that’s just a no no) standing on the sidelines with us watching the game. It was one of the most beautiful experiences of healing I’ve seen in this country. To have an outlet to just play, and run and enjoy life as a community again was one of the best things anyone in the entire world could have given to these people. Yeah, we can build them temporary housing, and help them get clean water, but unless we help them rebuild their hearts and their minds none of that other stuff matters at all.

After the game we (all the volunteers from all over the world who live with us at the Y) all went down to the water for our daily swim at sunset except for Katie. She’s from North Carolina and doesn’t like to swim with her clothes on – no correlation…that I know of. Oh yeah, we have to swim with our clothes on because the Sri Lankan men cannot handle seeing so much white skin at once. It’s rather unfortunate. So I’m diving under a wave and as I emerge from the salty heaven I see this dark skinned figure in front of me and I’m not gonna lie – I did a double take. I have been swimming almost every day that I’ve been here and I have never once seen a Sri Lankan actually IN the water. Don’t get me wrong, I see plenty when the audience gathers at the edge of the sand but I have never once seen anyone one of them get into the water with us. Within 5 or 10 minutes there were 3 kids swimming with us and laughing like it was their favorite thing that’s happened in years. Later Katie told us that it was such a beautiful thing to watch because these kids were struggling so hard with the idea of even getting in – some haven’t been in since before the tsunami. Once we were in one brave soul took his shirt off and just ran into the sea while the others watched and built up enough courage of their own. She said it was such a freeing experience to see them be freed from something that had had control over them. It was so amazing to know that just by being here and doing something that I love so much, just swimming in the ocean, has helped these people move on with their lives.

The day before yesterday, my friend Alon, from Israel, asked a guy if he would go swimming with him and when he said he hadn’t since before the tsunami he said he would meet him tomorrow and asked if they could go together. Yesterday we saw Alon walk up to the shore with someone and he actually came in. So along with an Israeli, 3 Americans, an Australian, a Britt and a Canadian this man conquered his fear and swam whilst the sun set on Sri Lanka. Does it get more beautiful than that? Seriously. Who am I and whose life am I really living right now? Not only that, he came back to the Y with us and we set him up with a job building shelters every day. It’s so amazing that we could help give this man courage and monetary stability all in one day. Are you kidding me?

The girls and I are getting close to our departure date and will be getting details very soon but for now I am taking every moment and letting it etch itself into my memory because it’s not going to be like this much longer. California doesn’t even have water like this.

I will be in touch, probably more once we’re back in Colombo and can frequent our friendly neighbourhood internet café and not pay up the wazoo to do so. I do miss America sometimes though and I can’t wait to eat Plutos. The girls and I play this mean game with each other where we randomly just have to say the one thing that we WISH we could have. Lets be honest – it’s definitely ALWAYS food and we miss it a lot but Sri Lanka is something I will never let far from me. What a beautiful experience life is when you really live it…

Until Colombo. Email me, it will be as wonderful as a cold coffee milkshake. (j10m@hotmail.com)

Jasmine